Home

Almost everyone I’ve met back here asked me the same question; why return while everyone else is leaving? Or why the trouble of returning? Didn't you just left a week ago? To be truthful, I have no idea. Not at all.

Somehow the rush of coming back home this Christmas gave me a different insight of homecoming. It’s this indescribable yet undeniable urge or craving to return to somewhere I belong…or at least somewhere I feel belonged. Funny that it happens to me…one who claims the road as home. Homesick was probably the furthest word from my heart. Yet this urge that brought me to where I am right now, it isn’t homesick, yet I couldn’t define it.

I have been preparing myself to lead a nomadic life for quite some time. The very job I feel called to take up requires me nothing less but such life of a nomad. Constantly hitting the road, readily being where it needs me. Here I am, send me. Not trying to act noble here, only trying to be true to myself for once. There is no mistake in that. I believe in it. Though I’m not even close to it, but it has given me sense of direction each time I feel obsolete. This is the type of life I want to lead. And settling down somewhere surely isn’t my priority, not now, not anytime soon.

But this Christmas…somehow showed me a hidden side of myself, the part where even I has failed to notice all this while. I guess I do want to belong to somewhere, or someone.

Wait, maybe that’s the solution. Maybe home isn’t a place after all. Maybe home refers to people, or even just one person. Maybe home is someone I belong to.

Written on 23/12/2007 2.40 AM

Time

I looked at a man who has known me even before I was born, but today can’t even remember my name…or even recognize me. I thought the occasion of him remembering me would be rather insignificant. Ironically, it hurts…pretty much.

With all that he’s suffering from right now…I doubt if anyone can still hold any grudges to him, no matter what he has done to the person. Truth is, I may have the reason to do so, but not the strength nor the heart to do it.

He wasn’t bald the last time I saw him. A pair of almost 90 years old legs can’t carry him afar. Someone needs to be by his side everywhere he goes…just in case if he slips and fall for the 107 times. Age is robbing his memory, senses, strength…pretty much owned him already thus far.

I can go on describing…but I do not have the strength nor the words to convey anything anymore.

Wish I can stay longer, but that won’t do him or anyone any good. Of course my presence is the present, but I can’t bear to see more.

Wish I can leave sooner, but who knows if this may be the last time for me to…hold his hands, rub his head, kiss his cheeks…

Time is the greatest robber. Subtly it comes, snatching precious essences from you, with you knowing it but nothing could be done.

Written on 2/12/2007 7.45 PM

Lone

In a crowd of familiar faces
In a room with no one around
In the fellowship of brotherhood
In the bonding of a family
On a street in a foreign land
On a journey with other passengers
In a fight alongside companions
What it seems to be may not be what it is
The more i see, the less you know
The more i know, the lonelier i become

Some people are born to be loners. I guess i'm one of those chosen ones. Not to say i'm an antisocial, rejected with no friends. Just i wonder, of the long list of names, how many of them really know stuff? Most care less... some attempted and failed...several tried and still trying... few succeeded.

No one to be blamed. I guess i'm not meant to be understood vastly. Somehow, over the years, no matter how hard i've tried, often it comes back hard on me. Especially those that i truly wish they can breach in, and i tried to open doors for them, only the doors were shut back, by they themselves. Not that i've not tried...not that i've given up...just tired, you know~

Miraculously, the chosen few successful ones cruised in without much effort. So should i still attempt to force people to get in? What seems to be impossible is not so impossible after all~ The question is...to let it be, naturally...or to make things happen, or at least to try to make things happen???

Even better, some don't get in, yet they know, they feel you...This bunch often made my day. This bunch i treasure the most.
Is this universally applicable to life...or is it just the life of mine>?
Cheers to those who feel me, cause i feel them too. In their midst i denounce lonesome. But somehow, over the years, i learn to adapt, to draw strength from solitudes...or is it a blessing, or a curse? Guess there's only One that holds the answers to all these...

* If you don't understand a thing, it's normal dude, it's not meant for you. But if you do, do drop me a message. I'll buy you a drink...Cheers!


Written on April 24th, 2007

Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

Chorus:
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

Previously

Previously on Simon's......can be accessed at

http://simonchai.blogs.friendster.com/my_m1ndthe_black_b0x/

Some of my favorite ones shall be reposted here.