Sooner

When words do not form in my mouth
nor penned through my hand
nor typed through my fingers;
When i no longer recognize familiar faces
and stand alone in the crowd
up against everyone else;
When i no longer see my set off point
or my destination
but simply somewhere in between;
When time seems to have paused at the wrong point
and i have no idea when it'll end
turn the page and close the chapter;
When it seems like Jesus Himself wasn't looking
or didn't hear when i called
or didn't care when i was being torn apart;
I just wish that heaven would come sooner.


Words can never come close to portray, what more to relieve. Hope a song can do better.

This post is dedicated to
1. A good friend of mine,K; who's currently going through a pretty rough time.
2. A stranger who had gone through unimaginable torture; probably wished to be dead instead.

Captured-Flowers-3

I don't see the need for captions. They speak for themselves. 

Echigo

Visited this place yesterday with a bunch of international students.

Swimming in the ocean of flowers.

On top of 'The Hill of the Milky Way'. 

From left: Hari and his wife; Maduri, Arnot, Dr. Teoh, Yip, Hew, Aileen and myself.

Seriously, that's what they call the hill.

                                                                                        

Jump.

Okutadami

The Okutadami mountain near Nagaoka was conquered by us today. First time on a snow-top mountain, i am completely overwhelmed by the majesty and grandeur of the view.

Snow.













A dam right behind with a mountain afar.










Conquered.










In awe.










More sakura at the foothill.

Japanese - Party

Japanese loves party. Or so i heard. So much that even professor comes along for the parties. And yesterday night we were honored by Professor Sato ( who paid for us ) to attend their welcoming party for new students.
Some sort of appetizer.













Sashimi. Simply the best.













Forgot the name of this dish, but it's real cool. It's like having 50 sushis being stirred and mixed together.











New students have to introduce themselves. Including 3 of us jokers.
After that, everyone goes around to greet and get to know each other, including the professor.










* You must be wondering what we're drinking. Well, i took a lot of photos of our drinks, but they are not meant for display here. Just for the records, though, we have free flow of alcohol. From fresh Kirin beer to red wine, white wine, scotch, cocktails and the highlight; sake. And it was awesome. Truly an experience.
* After getting a little drunk, the Japanese students somehow speak better English. It remains a mystery to all of us foreigners, but it's evidently true.

Okonomiyaki

Yesterday night, the locals ( those who came to USM last year for internship ) brought us out for dinner; to taste some real good Japanese food after growing tired of the mixed rice i've shown you in the earlier post. Thus behold, okonomiyaki. Click here for more info on it.

In the beginning, it looks like this.














After much stirring, it is poured onto the teppan...









It's served with 2 types of sauce; the original black sauce of okonomiyaki and mayonnaise.

Of course, with toppings; dried sakana slices and green leaves powder.

Oishi !!!

*It tastes so good that eventually all of us stopped taking pictures and simply indulge in the irresistible okonomiyaki. And surprisingly it only costs 7000 Yen in total for 7 of us; about RM 210++. That's considered very cheap in Japan. ( though obviously the bill was footed by the locals... *grin )

Captured - Flowers-2

White sakura. Stunning.













More white sakura. Love this shot.













A close look.













Another species of sakura.













Really dense.

Captured - Flowers

What else could this be, if it's not the world-renowned cherry blossom, or more known as the sakura.














It's the season for tulips now. This is a white one.











A yellow tulip.












A closer look at the sakura.

Captured

We're staying at the guest house, which looks something like this. But we switched to another room this morning to a 4-star hotel-like settings.
The authenticity of this room, however, prevails. Feels more Japanese with this one.
















Erm......Speechless. ( It is more comfortable than it looks. )













Typical Japanese style mixed rice. Dude...it tastes so much better than it looks. And bear in mind, this costs 400 yen (more than RM10). And that's really cheap; and only be that cheap in cafeteria.

Touchdown

In Nagaoka University of Technology now. So far so good. Staying in the guesthouse that looks like 4-star japanese-style hotel. Lovely. Temperature is alright. And sakura is everywhere around the gidai (campus). Awesome.
Wait till i have more time to online; and with my own computer. Then i'll post the pictures and write more. Till then, stay tuned.

Dawn

This is the finale of the chapter. Tomorrow marks the end of it. And the day after is the threshold of a new chapter. The anticipation that builds within; longing to catch a glimpse of a new dawn.

The night has been long. The string of incidents almost convinced me that i have been forsaken by time. But time and again, His grace that surpasses all understanding; sustained me. As long as it may be, the night can never stop the break of dawn.

The classic saying: "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." As cliché as it sounds, but it wouldn't have last the test of time if there is no truth in it.

When i was barely breathing, You were the air i breathe.
When my heart was barely beating, You were my pacemaker.

When the night seems to have encamped around me, You were the light that pierces through darkness.

For what it's worth. And it's almost done. But every ending only marks a new beginning. And i can't wait to find out what is installed.
Yes it's true; that i'm walking into uncertainties. Yet nevertheless, i'm not walking into darkness. For wherever i step, there will be light. You are.

Untitled

I stand steadfastly before the engulfing storm. Not rooted, yet unwavering. Vision is blurred at times, but i see more than what my eyes do.
Chilling wind is cutting through my bones and flesh. Yet it is this pain that's keeping me alive.

All i could do is to stare right at the eye of the storm and say,

"Even death can do me no harm."

Then i smile, and walk right into it.

Against

When the whole worlds seems to be against you.
When your surroundings alienate you.
When familiar faces desert you.
When you don't feel God beside you.

It says that: "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Hmmm.....if that is meant to be a question, i would answer: "The whole world?"

The past 2 weeks have been tough. Well, who to blame, life is tough anyway. But when the world is against you, you're pushed far back, strangled, suffocating, barely breathing. And this verse came into my mind. At first glance, it may be that tough probably because He isn't for me after all. Probably i offended Him and i face the consequences. But think again, i got different insights.

When it was implied that nobody can be against us, it wasn't literally implying that no one can ever stand up against us. In fact, the world justs love to be against us (at least, me).
The world can be against us. Moreover, as it is written:

"For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

The verse is telling us that "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."

Romans 8:31 isn't the verse to wish one a smooth sail. It's a verse of comfort in despair; an assurance of victory in the midst of losing battles.

*All verses are in NKJV.

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.


Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

Capture

Today marks the beginning of a lengthy, stretchy and dreadful fortnight. Having so much to write about, but so little time to share for writing.

Yet, looking at the finale; to adventure afar to a foreign land; anticipation is boiling in my blood.

Still, life is too short for one to simply ignore a fortnight of one's life without making the best out of it. |Agree?|

Enlightenment

The old school of thoughts says that happiness comes on the outside, but joy comes from the inside. Used to believe in that much. But life has its way to alter and deviate one's first beliefs and principles. Or should i say, time has its way. Anyway, either would do.

I believe in enlightenment. Not the type you'll get by sitting under a peach tree and meditate. It's more like a sudden realization of the life you're living, and the world around you. Something like jumping up from a seemingly-never-ending dream. Most, if not all, of your perceptions change drastically. The results: a changed person. Here, changes are depicted in a neutral note; whether for the better or the worse. I believe some people call this personal revolution. More pious ones would name it personal revival.

And this enlightenment thingy, usually one would experience twice in one's life. The first phase, and the second phase. (not neglecting the possibility of more) First phase usually takes place in one's adolescence period; where the mind is trying to form and shape. The second would take place much later in life.

Why am i mentioning them out of nowhere? In between these 2 events, is the period where our beliefs and principles sway almost always, dramatically. They settle down, but not rooted fast. They form, but yet a solid. Hypothetical, fallible, inexperienced, uninformed.

Back to our first agenda. What gives us joy? What dismays us? What makes us happy? Too bad that i sort of deviated from this earlier. And i'm not planning to have a lengthy post here. (truth is, gotta study already) So, may this be forwarded to the next post. LOL.