Almost everyone I’ve met back here asked me the same question; why return while everyone else is leaving? Or why the trouble of returning? Didn't you just left a week ago? To be truthful, I have no idea. Not at all.
Somehow the rush of coming back home this Christmas gave me a different insight of homecoming. It’s this indescribable yet undeniable urge or craving to return to somewhere I belong…or at least somewhere I feel belonged. Funny that it happens to me…one who claims the road as home. Homesick was probably the furthest word from my heart. Yet this urge that brought me to where I am right now, it isn’t homesick, yet I couldn’t define it.
I have been preparing myself to lead a nomadic life for quite some time. The very job I feel called to take up requires me nothing less but such life of a nomad. Constantly hitting the road, readily being where it needs me. Here I am, send me. Not trying to act noble here, only trying to be true to myself for once. There is no mistake in that. I believe in it. Though I’m not even close to it, but it has given me sense of direction each time I feel obsolete. This is the type of life I want to lead. And settling down somewhere surely isn’t my priority, not now, not anytime soon.
But this Christmas…somehow showed me a hidden side of myself, the part where even I has failed to notice all this while. I guess I do want to belong to somewhere, or someone.
Wait, maybe that’s the solution. Maybe home isn’t a place after all. Maybe home refers to people, or even just one person. Maybe home is someone I belong to.
Written on 23/12/2007 2.40 AM
2 comments:
Maybe you are approaching quarter life crisis...or perhaps its just something we call growing up...according to Erikson's Developmental Stages..you are in a stage called..isolation versus intimacy...go Google..it might give you some insights =P
I am not desperate for intimacy, nor am i wishing to isolate. Just discovering my definition or version of HOME.
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