I can't remember when was the last time I felt His goodness. Or His kindness. I guess this has been going on for quite some time by now; failing to feel His kindness or His goodness, or even His love. No more. Nothing. Perhaps not too long ago, N was the reminder, the reflection, the manifestation of them all. Seems like the separation brought even that away. And now just, nothing.
It's not that Y isn't up to that. No. Not like that. She is absolutely wonderful and gorgeous. If I am to count the goodness, perhaps they would converge. Just..
If this is a test, that You intend to be silent to me, and simply watch my response, I believe I have very much failed you in many ways. Other than the only merit that I am still on Your side. But I beg You, humbly, earnestly, plead with You. It's time for a little bit of Your magic show.
If you have been showing me kindness and goodness unceasingly since before, I ask that You reveal them to me. Open my eyes that I may see. And show me where to look.
I am, as of this moment, still very much for You. But the persistence of the cruelty of life without much good things to remind me of Your faithfulness, has robbed me of any stripes of joy. No joy in this lowly depressed heart. I find it even hard to smile without faking half of it. The lost of joy, so severe, so naked I am.
If this is a plan to break and rob me, it is very much of a success. If there's a lesson to be learned here, I am yet to fathom. The exhaustion simply hardens this already heavy heart to breathe.
Come, now is the time. Come. Please do come.
It's not that Y isn't up to that. No. Not like that. She is absolutely wonderful and gorgeous. If I am to count the goodness, perhaps they would converge. Just..
If this is a test, that You intend to be silent to me, and simply watch my response, I believe I have very much failed you in many ways. Other than the only merit that I am still on Your side. But I beg You, humbly, earnestly, plead with You. It's time for a little bit of Your magic show.
If you have been showing me kindness and goodness unceasingly since before, I ask that You reveal them to me. Open my eyes that I may see. And show me where to look.
I am, as of this moment, still very much for You. But the persistence of the cruelty of life without much good things to remind me of Your faithfulness, has robbed me of any stripes of joy. No joy in this lowly depressed heart. I find it even hard to smile without faking half of it. The lost of joy, so severe, so naked I am.
If this is a plan to break and rob me, it is very much of a success. If there's a lesson to be learned here, I am yet to fathom. The exhaustion simply hardens this already heavy heart to breathe.
Come, now is the time. Come. Please do come.
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