Patience

A series of unfortunate events made me realized how easily I get irritated when things don't go my way.

Perhaps my already super low tolerance towards mistakes hits bottom when i am the unfortunate one who's making them.

Purge

Purge. D2.

Purge

Purge. D1.

Change

I need a change. A big one.

Big

Constantly overwhelmed by how big the problems before us seem to be, how often we forget how big is the God we serve. 

He has been, still is, and forever will be, Lord of all lords, the greatest King. 

We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. 

Everyone. Overcome. 

Adventure

"What was the craziest thing you have done lately?"

As cliché as it may sound, this question constantly being thrown around, always serve as a faithful reminder. That this life most probably deserves a lot more adventure than you are already having. Though the truth is, my answer today leaves much to be desired.

My heart craves for one.

Work

Just got home n showered. Dinner now. Had a really long day at work. Headache. Mind malfunctioning.

Sometimes I wonder, why do I put so much time and effort which would most probably amount into something I couldn't care less. Is it my pride. Or perhaps my drive for perfection. Or my nonsensical self-righteousness to make things right in my eyes. 

I would really like to learn to let go and let it be. But fear that in the process I might lose my identity. Everything looks gray to me.

Enough said.

Today is almost done. Tomorrow is a new day. And I duly return to the war zone which has successfully exhausted me today. And can only pray that where I step, there is holy ground. 

Overcome

What can you not overcome?

Attitude

There is no absolute certainty that you will meet again some day, after each goodbyes you say. Obviously that said, we ought to make every meeting the best we can, as if it is the last. 

I envy those who can gracefully maneuver themselves consistently in putting up a smile; be it subtle or explosive, driven by a lovable attitude to keep the quality of the meeting or conversation above average. Okay, my average. I'd go the distance by saying that it is nothing less than a blessing from heaven, very much a gift seems only divine.

Shhhh.

It's not about how much you talk.

And not how much she listens to you. 

It's really about how much you're willing to listen. 

And sometimes, that's all that matters.

Funny the irony; much to want to talk about when you're far apart, but play cool with an attitude problem when you're face to face.

Only to wish you've done better the second you set your foot away. 

Guess I have still too much to learn.

This thing called love. 

Repay

Romans 2:5-6

... God will repay each person according to what they have done

Bonds

Clash of civilizations.
Cultures competing incessantly. Innocence of negligence.
Unsynchronized definition of common senses.
Over-sensitivity of adults.
Non-agreeable set of rules.
Non-matching values.

A true global experience indeed.

Holiday

You don't need a holiday, when there's nothing to run from.

Refuge

I find refuge and peace in no other than You.

t

Wh@t is th3 R3c1p3 4 h@pp1N3ss.
Wh@t R th3 1NGR3d13Nts 4 J0Y.
H0W d0 U tR3@t l0st.

t.

Magic?

I can't remember when was the last time I felt His goodness. Or His kindness. I guess this has been going on for quite some time by now; failing to feel His kindness or His goodness, or even His love. No more. Nothing. Perhaps not too long ago, N was the reminder, the reflection, the manifestation of them all. Seems like the separation brought even that away. And now just, nothing.

It's not that Y isn't up to that. No. Not like that. She is absolutely wonderful and gorgeous. If I am to count the goodness, perhaps they would converge. Just..

If this is a test, that You intend to be silent to me, and simply watch my response, I believe I have very much failed you in many ways. Other than the only merit that I am still on Your side. But I beg You, humbly, earnestly, plead with You. It's time for a little bit of Your magic show.

If you have been showing me kindness and goodness unceasingly since before, I ask that You reveal them to me. Open my eyes that I may see. And show me where to look.

I am, as of this moment, still very much for You. But the persistence of the cruelty of life without much good things to remind me of Your faithfulness, has robbed me of any stripes of joy. No joy in this lowly depressed heart. I find it even hard to smile without faking half of it. The lost of joy, so severe, so naked I am.

If this is a plan to break and rob me, it is very much of a success. If there's a lesson to be learned here, I am yet to fathom. The exhaustion simply hardens this already heavy heart to breathe.

Come, now is the time. Come. Please do come.

Truth

If knowing the truth is the right thing to do, why then does it feel so painful?

If the truth is supposed to set one free, why did it set me on fire and let me burn instead?

If the truth was what I seek, why do I now wish for lies instead?

They often tell that you need to move on as you can't change what is already past. But they didn't mention that it's one heck of a pain living with it nevertheless.

Lord, give me strength to rise above.

Reset

Stopped being different.

Ceased making changes. 

No longer impacting. 

A fading presence.

Lost most of the goods once shined.

No longer recognise.

Who am i? 

How was i? 

What have i become?

Searching for the reset button. 

Words

I am exhausted. With words.
To explain. To clarify. To justify.
Why can't i simply be.

Perhaps i am worth not trust.
Or do i even trust myself. I began to doubt.

In many ways. I am exhausted.
So please, if You may, fill my cup.

Time

The very essence of which

Men attempts to steer

Over the ages, but to no avail. 

Even the most beautiful thing

May pierce through your heart 

Or holds you breathless 

If it ever unfolds in the perfectly 

Wrong timing.